The Blood & Moone Files – Episode 1: Loner (Final Edit) Written by Justin Evans | Final Showrunner Edit S1 - EP 1 - Loner DOG BOY DAN Awhooooo! It’s Dan the man, your dog boy, coming through these spooky airwaves at you, babies. I’ve come out of my hiatus and commandeered this here signal coming at your ear holes to tell you about a couple misfits in a small town filling up with monsters in the foothills of Tennessee. This collection of stories from Chandler Blood and John Moone, well, it all started when a young Chandler Blood moved to town years back. The Blood and Moone boys became fast friends as the two biggest geeky freaks a little place called Lenor ever saw. At least that’s what the locals called them. Chandler is the comic book and movie-loving only child of Richard and Donna Blood, and his odd interests didn’t earn him any friends—except John Moone. John was the only survivor of a tragic house fire when he was young, and sadly the Moone family were all branded witches by the locals generations back, so you can see why the boys were fast friends, being pushed out of most social circles as they were. Nowadays, the Bloods decided to move back down south, leaving Chandler in the good company of Mr. Moone, and the boys lived together like brothers. Until one day, about two years ago, John disappeared. Chandler didn’t buy that John was gone for good or otherwise dispatched from his mortal coil. He’s been on the lookout for his lost brother John ever since. INT/EXT SHERIFF'S OFFICE Background sounds of the sheriff’s office fade in, a phone rings and is answered: “County Sheriff’s Office, Officer Jennings speaking. How can I help you?” OFFICER JENNINGS County Sheriff’s office, Officer Jennings speaking. How can I help you? SHERIFF COOKE (controlled irritation) Chandler, we appreciate your “volunteering” as constable, but you can’t just squat in this office looking for clues about your little boyfriend. Now shape up. Public image is important—the public elected me, remember? Get your ass out there and be friendly, or you’ll be waving at church traffic until you die! CHANDLER BLOOD (nervous) Y-yes, sir. SHERIFF COOKE So we have an understanding? CHANDLER BLOOD Yes, yes sir. SHERIFF COOKE Good. Now get the hell out of my office. Chandler nearly knocks over his chair as he scrambles up and hurries out, closing the door behind him. CHANDLER BLOOD (talking to himself) Asshole... DEPUTY JENNINGS (offended/angry) What? What was that, you little tampon!? CHANDLER BLOOD (scared) N-nothing, nothing! I’m hitting the streets—boss's orders! Chandler bolts out before things can escalate. He heads to his apartment above the garage he and John used to work at. CHANDLER BLOOD (heavy breathing from running) Almost ten years out of high school and you're still a prick... Bunch of assholes, I swear. OLD WOMAN ON THE STREET (offended) Excuse me!? CHANDLER BLOOD oh, no, no ma’am. I wasn’t talking to you. I’m sorry. OLD WOMAN ON THE STREET Well? Get out of my way, dipshit. CHANDLER BLOOD Geez, lady... Is *anybody* in this town *not* an asshole? Ok, ok, let’s just play nice. Sheriff Grumpy Pants wants us to play nice with the townsfolk. A car speeds by, someone throws trash at Chandler. GUY IN CAR Nice costume, tampon! CHANDLER BLOOD I didn’t pick my last name, dick! And this is my constable uniform!... Ugh, screw it. I’m going home. SFX: CHANDLER GETS INTO HIS CAR AND DRIVES OFF. INT/EXT JOHN'S APT AT LEVINE GARAGE Chandler pulls up and exits. ABRAHAM LEVINE Ya got a package. CHANDLER BLOOD What? ABRAHAM LEVINE A package! Left it on the mat. CHANDLER BLOOD Oh, thanks, Abe! ABRAHAM LEVINE Mhmm. You still working tires and lube tomorrow? CHANDLER BLOOD Yeah! I’ll be there. ABRAHAM LEVINE Mhmm. Chandler heads upstairs, finds a wooden box. CHANDLER BLOOD Ooooh, mystery box! Just what I needed. He picks it up and enters the apartment. INT CHANDLER'S APT Chandler plops on his couch, sets the box on the table, inspecting it. CHANDLER BLOOD Okay... tiny crate, no hinges, no label, no sender... “No hinges, no key, yet golden treasure lies within...” *laughs* Okay, definitely watching The Hobbit tonight. DOG BOY DAN Chandler’s apartment was one half of a duplex above Levine’s garage—a benchmark business in town. Being the only auto shop that still charges thirty-five bucks for an oil change doesn’t hurt either. Abe’s a wizard with machines. The place gets you fixed up right the first time, every time. As for Chandler’s pad? Certified bachelor zone. Photos of John and the Chan-man everywhere, but John’s room? Untouched. Chandler kept it like a shrine since Johnny boy pulled his disappearing act. Now, let’s catch up to the Chan man in the AM. SFX: ALARM CLOCK. CHANDLER GROANS AWAKE. CHANDLER BLOOD Oh Tolkien, you got me again... *yawn* I gotta stop binge-watching on work nights. QUICK-CUT SFX: BED CREAKS, BRUSHING TEETH, COFFEE POURED, DOOR SHUTS. INT/EXT LEVINE GARAGE Chandler’s hurried footsteps. ABRAHAM LEVINE (from afar) You’re late! CHANDLER BLOOD Not late yet, Abe! Clocking in now! SFX: PUNCHES TIMECARD. ABRAHAM LEVINE (nearer) You’re late. CHANDLER BLOOD Shit... I’m late. ABRAHAM LEVINE Told ya. CHANDLER BLOOD Holy shit beans! You scared the hell out of me, Abe! Damn. How do you always do that!? ABRAHAM LEVINE Hmmf. Bay two and three need oil and rotation. Keys. Abraham tosses keys into Chandler's hand. CHANDLER BLOOD Thanks, Abe. SFX: BUSY SHOP NOISES. FADE TO EVENING: CRICKETS. SFX: AIR GUN TIGHTENING LUG NUTS. CHANDLER BLOOD Here you go, Mr. Simmons. Thanks for waiting. MR. SIMMONS Took you long enough. Just give me my keys, tampon boy. It’s already six o’clock! SFX: DOOR SLAM. ENGINE START. DRIVES OFF. CHANDLER BLOOD Yeah, thanks for stopping in! Bye now! (through clenched teeth) Die! Die!... (under breath) Asshole. (normal) Punching out, Abe! ABRAHAM LEVINE Night, kid! SFX: PUNCH CARD, THEN CHANDLER GRABS HAMMER AND PRYBAR. CHANDLER BLOOD Zoink. Gonna need this hammer and prybar for the night. Thanks, Abe. SFX: CHANDLER HEADS UPSTAIRS. FAST CUTS. INT CHANDLER'S APT SFX: TOILET FLUSH, SHOWER, MICROWAVE, SPOON IN BOWL, COLLAPSE ON COUCH. CHANDLER BLOOD Alright, mystery box... time to see what’s inside. SFX: PRY BAR CRACKS IT OPEN. CHANDLER BLOOD Nice! Wax-sealed note. Fancy. What else... *rummaging sounds* Bottle! Yes! Booze? Maybe? Looks like Russian... or math? Eh, screw it. Gift bottle. Woohoo! *laughs* SFX: CORK POP. POUR. CHANDLER BLOOD Cheers to you, John. Miss you, brother. *drinks* Gah! Poison!? Is this scotch!? Strong... maybe bad scotch... still, wouldn't wanna waste it. I mean... worth a second taste at least right? Who has drinking money nowadays... SFX: CHANDLER KEEPS DRINKING. GRADUALLY SLURS, PASSES OUT. CHANDLER BLOOD Everybody hates me... Sheriff, Jennings... even Thompson. Abe's still good though... just like before... I wish you were here, man... SFX: GLASS DROPS. SNORING. INT CHANDLER'S DREAM SFX: ECHO CHAMBER CORRIDOR. FOOTSTEPS. CHANDLER BLOOD John? John!? Come back! SFX: HEAVY FOOTFALLS BEHIND. TURN. CHANDLER BLOOD Later Abe, I hear you sneakin' up behin—holy shit dicks! Wha—what the hell!? THE DEMON CAYM What am I? *chuckles* You mortals always ask the same thing. SFX: CHANDLER SCRAMBLES. CHANDLER BLOOD No no no... this is a dream... wake up... wake up... wake up... oh, god... THE DEMON CAYM God? *laughs* God isn’t here. But I am. And I have “plans” for you. So much suffering to savor. CHANDLER BLOOD John, come back! Wake up! Wake up! THE DEMON CAYM Shhh, little one. We’ll have eternity to explore your pain. *sniff* Mmmm. Delicious. CHANDLER BLOOD Why are you— THE DEMON CAYM (laughs, then furious) BECAUSE I WANT TO GO BACK!!! INT CHANDLER'S APARTMENT SFX: GASP. SUDDEN WAKE-UP. BOTTLE ROLLS. SHOCKED SILENCE. CHANDLER BLOOD What the hell was in that...? Did I get roofied or something? Oh, ow, my head... Oh right, the note. SFX: NOTE OPENED. CHANDLER BLOOD EIBEN Corp. “Hide this bottle. Don’t drink. Don’t share.” ...Cool. Great. Proving mom and dad right yet again, “Why didn’t you read the instructions before you started, Chandler.” “You wouldn’t be in this mess if you’d only pay attention, Chandler.” Uuuugh... Aspirin. Coffee. QUICK SFX: PILL BOTTLE, COFFEE POT, PEE, POUR, SIP. CHANDLER BLOOD EIBEN Corporation. Who the hell do I know there? Where is it... SFX: PHONE TYPING. CHANDLER BLOOD England? I don’t know anyone in England... Do I? No, definitely not. SFX: THREE KNOCKS. CHANDLER BLOOD Who is it? SFX: SILENCE. THREE MORE KNOCKS. DOOR UNLOCKS, CREAKS OPEN. CHANDLER BLOOD John?.. JOHN MOONE (angry) You drank it, didn’t you!? CHANDLER BLOOD John, I... SFX: TV STATIC. DEMONIC MURMURS. JOHN MOONE (snarling) Fuck off, ghost dick! SFX: POWER PULSE. STATIC STOPS. CHANDLER BLOOD John? JOHN MOONE Yeah Chan, it’s me. You’re fucked, buddy. *sigh* (cooling down) Just... let me in. I’ll explain everything. SFX: DOOR CLOSES. DOG BOY DAN Well, well, well... Johnny boy is back in town. Let’s hope the Chan man didn’t get himself into something he can’t get himself out of. If nightmares were the worst of it, he’d be lucky. But I reckon they won’t be. *chuckles* Next week we might get answers... but let’s not count chickens, babies. So until next time, remember to read those pesky instructions and lock your doors against whatever or whoever goes bump in the night.